The Devil Wears Star Wars: New McSweeney's + New Podcast Appearances

Hi, all.

Please enjoy this new (extremely topical) piece for McSweeney’s Internet Tendency co-written with my wife, best friend, (and mother of my other, smaller best friend) Jennifer Wright.

I, High-Powered Fashion Editor Miranda Priestly, Demand An Assistant Who Is Terrible.

Pictured: Oh no! The Devil!

Via McSweeney’s

To Whom It May Concern:

You know who I am. I’m Miranda Priestly, Editor-In-Chief of RUNWAY, the most popular and influential print magazine in the world, in this, the current year of 2006. Or maybe you know me by my other names: “The Devil in Prada,” “Dragon Lady,” “The Cerulean Bitch,” or “Anna Wintour.” That last one, of course, is hilariously untrue, because I frequently mention my dear friend Anna as often as is legally necessary.

But however you may know me, I am preceded by my reputation. I am the God of the fashion world and my opinion is the only one that matters to any designer. I can destroy careers with a purse of my lips. It takes every ounce of my focus and every second of my day to stay at the top, and if I don’t demand the same of those around me, my enemies will strike, and my world will crumble.

This is why, today, I am inexplicably putting out the call for an assistant who is terrible.

The official title is Junior Personal Assistant to the Editor-In-Chief, a job that millions of girls would kill for. These ideal girls would all have devoted their entire lives to fashion—looking it, living it, knowing it inside and out from the origins of whalebone corsetry to the bleeding edge of Harajuku Streetwear. But these girls need not apply. What I am looking for is a recent college graduate with zero experience, ideally who majored in a tangentially related field, say, journalism, who wanders in off the street and immediately craps on everything I stand for. To my face.

This is what I require.

Read the whole piece here.

Meanwhile,

It’s called Star WARS not Star FRIENDS.

— and yet I had a great time talking to my friends, Greg Iwinski (Late Show With Stephen Colbert, Last Week Tonight) and Tim Barnes (The Tonight Show, Nickelodeon’s Warped!) on the Yub Nub Star Wars podcast.

Pictured: Daniel Kibblesmith, Casual Star Wars Fan.

I’m still furious with myself at missing Tim’s perfect Mace Windu joke. You can subscribe to the podcast with whatever you usually use, it’s not rocket science (but according to George Lucas, it might be Magnetic Paint.™).

And speaking of talking on the computer—

I was also invited to be on the YouTube talk show, The What's UPDATE with Xander Kwiecien, to talk about my career and secret origins — and also surprise myself (and the host), by answering a “Who would you have dinner with, living or dead” style question in the most vindictive way possible (around 1:00:34).

“Yes, but all of this is FREE. How do I spend some MONEY on you?”

You can still pre-order the upcoming Archie Meets Riverdale One-Shot from Archie Comics and it will be delivered TO YOUR DOOR — or you can find a comic shop near you at (brace yourself) ComicShopLocator.com and give them a call right now.

Cover A by the Archie favorite and my Valiant High pal, Derek Charm.

Currently Reading/Watching:

Severance.

Whatever genre this is, it’s my favorite genre. Currently on AppleTV+.

🎥 My Letterboxd is a good indicator of what I’m watching, although at a glance it looks like my film viewing habits are curated by training a laser pointer at the remote control and letting the cat go to town until Moana comes on.

📖 Goodreads is where you can see what eleven unfinished books I’m bouncing between and then creepily finishing all on the same day like when you mix together all the dwindling cereals to make one final omni-bowl.

Old(er) News:

👁‍🗨 Watch Inside Job on Netflix and keep me gainfully employed for a potential second season (the second HALF of the FIRST season should be coming this year.

🦖 Purchase Princess Dinosaur here or from your favorite children’s bookstore near you. Tell them you know me. Ask if they’d like me to do a Zoom event. Treat me like your son (one you’re proud of, not one who disappoints you at every turn).

Okay, I think that’s everything.

Daniel Kibblesmith

March, 2022

The Year of Mace Windu™

New Comic: 'Archie Meets Riverdale' + Other News

Hi all,

Just announced — I am the writer of the upcoming Archie Meets Riverdale One-Shot for Archie Comics (Maybe you’ve heard of them from being good at the grocery store??!!).

Amazing cover by one of my favorite collaborators, Derek Charm (of Valiant High) and equally amazing variant cover by the extraordinary Ben Caldwell.

Since it’s not quite as easy to find comics next to the bananas these days, you can pre-order a physical copy from directly from ArchieComics.com to be sent to your home mailbox.

It’s only $3.99 for 20+ pages of Classic Archie jokes and romance meets Bonkers Riverdale CW-style drama.

My hope is that — no offense to Marvel and D.C. — this is a comic book that literally everyone who knows me could enjoy on some level, without needing to know what Thanos had for breakfast in 1973. All of those $3.99’s add up and we would love your support.

So would your favorite local comic shop if you prefer to give them a call and pre-order it there.

Incredible interior page by Pat & Tim Kennedy

Via ArchieComics.com

ARCHIE MEETS RIVERDALE #1 in May is an epic crossover between the classic and modern versions of the iconic characters!

Archie Comics is bringing you the crossover you thought you’d never see this May with the collectible one-shot comic book ARCHIE MEETS RIVERDALE #1! Written by Emmy-nominated writer Daniel Kibblesmith with art by Archie mainstays Pat & Tim Kennedy, the special issue slips between the worlds of the comics versions of Archie and his Riverdale pals and their more dramatic counterparts.

Script: Daniel Kibblesmith
Art: Pat and Tim Kennedy, Bob Smith, Matt Herms, Jack Morelli
Cover: Derek Charm
Variant Cover: Ben Caldwell
On Sale Date: 5/11
32-page, full color comic
$3.99 U.S.

Let’s see, what else is in the news.

Garfbert Endures.

Updated Mondays until I can’t take it anymore. Here’s some recent first panels out of context.

Anything can happen … and usually does!

“How is the baby, all we care about is the baby.”

Baby’s good, baby crawls now. Baby rides in a car in a puffy bear suit, baby eats little morsels. She’s good.

Pictured: Good Baby.

Currently Reading/Watching:

The aforementioned Good Baby™ does have her own, very unique schedule though which means a lot of reading Kindle in dark rooms in the middle of the night and/or watching movies before dawn during a bottle feeding, so I invite you to—

🎥 Follow Me on Letterboxd where I’m trying to break 100 movies this year (which I usually don’t) and review each one (albeit briefly and usually cryptically).

📖 Follow Me on Goodreads where you can see what I’m reading and writing, but I don’t review anything (unless Jen wrote it, and then it gets an unbiased five stars).

Old News:

Watch Inside Job on Netflix, purchase Princess Dinosaur here or from your favorite children’s bookstore near you, and as Charlie Brown says, “Keep the ball low, don’t leave your crayons in the sun [and] never volunteer to be a program chair.”

Okay, I think that’s everything.

Daniel Kibblesmith

February, 2022

New Yorker Daily Shouts & Murmers

Hey, kiddo. Mind if I awkwardly sit on the edge of your bed in a way that I’ve never done before? I think it’s time we had a talk about the worst possible thing that can ever happen to a human being.

Drugs.

Believe it or not, I was young once, too. I grew up in the early eighties to mid-nineties, so if there’s one thing I have a clear-eyed understanding of, it’s drug use. It seems like every other day our school was running some kind of antidrug program like Just Say No, dare, or even just this local couple who used to come by twice a year with a raccoon puppet. And their message was loud and clear:

Drugs are going to kill you.

Read the full article at The New Yorker.

Today on Netflix: ‘INSIDE JOB’

They’re watching you. Watch back.

The show that I’ve been writing on for past year, INSIDE JOB drops on Netflix today.

Via Variety:

The Truth is Out There, and Lizzy Caplan, Christian Slater and Clark Duke will find it in Netflix’s “Inside Job,” a new conspiracy theory office comedy animated series from “Gravity Falls” writer Shion Takeuchi and creator Alex Hirsch.

I’m so proud and happy with everyone’s work on this, and especially personally proud of Episode 5, of which my wife Jennifer Wright took this photo: 

So if you could do me a slight favor today and STREAM INSIDE JOB ENDLESSLY ON ALL OF YOUR DEVICES. It helps boost our numbers, and more importantly, it’s the only way to keep the government from recording your ███ ██████.

Thanks,

Daniel (one of Them)

DB174BC9-24CD-47FF-B775-5164EC21A77E.jpeg

Spook-tober-blessed: Conspiracies, Vampires, and Other Thrills/Chills.

JUMP SCARE!

Hi, all.

It’s spooky season, the time when Jack Skellington has his mid-life crisis and — like so many celebrities whose stars have begun to fade — attempts a Christian re-brand.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

I know he did a bad job and all, but as an adult I realize Jack Skellington only had about two months to pull together his first Christmas, after exhausting the year’s worth of resources they spent on Halloween, so maybe cut the guy some slack.

Here’s what I’ve been up to lately:

NEW TRAILER: INSIDE JOB on NETFLIX

For most of quarantine, my full-time job was writing for Shion Takeuchi’s (Gravity Falls, Rick & Morty) new adult-animated show Inside Job. I loved doing it, I’m incredibly proud of my contributions, and I can’t wait for you to see it.

Via Variety:

The Truth is Out There, and Lizzy Caplan, Christian Slater and Clark Duke will find it in Netflix’s “Inside Job,” a new conspiracy theory office comedy animated series from “Gravity Falls” writer Shion Takeuchi and creator Alex Hirsch.

Part 1 of Inside Job premieres on Netflix on 10.22.21 — Set your Netflix Reminder now and follow @InsideJob on Twitter and Instagram.

DARKHOLD: BLADE on sale from MARVEL 10.27.21

Cover by Juan Ferreyra.

Cover by Juan Ferreyra.

Chilling Fact: Everyone loves the Marvel movies, but very few people ever step foot in their local comic book shop and check out the source material.

Here’s how you can pre-order DARKHOLD: BLADE from a LOCAL COMIC SHOP NEAR YOU and become one of those insufferable geniuses who knows what’s going to happen in the movies because you read the comic books:

  • Go to http://Comicshoplocator.com — or, if you’re more familiar with it (and why wouldn’t you be) — Google Maps.

  • Call that local shop and ask them to reserve you a copy of DARKHOLD: BLADE by Daniel Kibblesmith and Federico Sabbatini, due out in October 2021. Give them your name and telephone number.

  • When they call you, go buy it.

  • Read it immediately on a park bench with an autumnal novelty coffee.

  • Spread the word on social media that you are a comic book expert now and DARKHOLD: BLADE is your favorite comic book of all time (may require a selfie with cover as proof).

You can also pre-order RIGHT NOW digitally for the Kindle and Comixology apps, or buy a copy from a store that ships nationally, like Midtown Comics.

OR you can just pre-order the whole paperback collection of the entire Darkhold storyline, here or from a local bookstore near you.

Via Marvel:

THE DARKHOLD: BLADE #1

DANIEL KIBBLESMITH (W) • Federico Sabbatini (A) • Cover by JUAN FERREYRA | STORMBREAKERS VENOMIZED VARIANT COVER BY NATACHA BUSTOS | VARIANT COVER BY MICO SUAYAN | CONNECTING VARIANT COVER BY JOSEMARIA CASANOVAS | DESIGN VARIANT COVER BY CIAN TORMEY

THE KING OF DEATH!

Are you fanged, or are you food? The world is divided into humans and vampires – and Blade, the one who walks between them both…and kills with equal impunity. After reading from the cursed Darkhold, Blade and a cadre of other heroes were meant to enter Chthon’s dimension and stop the ancient god from destroying the Multiverse. But reading the book has changed all their lives and histories…and for Blade, the consequences are far-reaching. Vampires rule the world, and he rules over them all. But there are some heroes left—and Blade is not as omniscient as he thinks. 32 PGS./ONE-SHOT/Rated T+ …$3.99

Garfbert Garfberts on.

You’d think having a newborn and several full and part-time writing jobs would make it difficult to do a regularly updated, unpaid, unlicensed Instagram comic about Dilbert living with Garfield, but it turns out all this delirium needs to go somewhere.

All “Classic Garfbert” strips now live on the Garfbert Instagram account (also at Garfbert.com) with new updates every Monday for as long as schedule and fatigue permits.

If you haven’t subscribed yet, here’s a gallery of ALL OF THE NEW ONES SO FAR. “Enjoy.”

Currently Reading:

  • Foundation — it is pretty different from the show.

Currently Watching:

  • Foundation — it is pretty different from the book.

Daniel Kibblesmith

October, 2021

Jump Scare

Two Announcements: OF BABIES AND BLADE-YS

Announcement #1. We Had A Baby

It is much, much more accurate to say that Jennifer Wright had a baby. Our daughter was born on July 10, 2021 at 3:20 A.M. Which makes her — if I correctly recall my astrology lessons — a baby.

Vin_Diesel_saying_FAMILY.wav

Vin_Diesel_saying_FAMILY.wav

RE: Gifts. We truly have everything we need at this point, in terms of clothing, single-purpose chairs, and tumble-dry animal simulacra. But I invite you to make a donation to the NYC-based children’s charity Little Essentials (Charity Navigator score: 94/100).

From their website: Little Essentials offers at-risk families living in poverty urgently needed children’s supplies and parenting education to promote the health, wellbeing and safety of their children under five years of age. Donate money or items here.

But if you know us well enough to have our e-mail addresses and INSIST on getting us a GIFT-gift, please make it Seamless gift cards. I burnt myself pretty bad making short ribs and it’s just now starting to pus.

Announcement #2. I’m Having A Blade-y

Cover by Juan Ferreyra.

Cover by Juan Ferreyra.

I’m writing a Blade one-shot to tie in to Marvel Comics’ October Darkhold event — with the incredible cover above by Juan Ferreyra and interior pencils by Federico Sabbatini. It’s a spooky, alt-future story about Blade confronting an I Am Legend style vampire apocalypse — WHERE EVERY CHARACTER IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE IS NOW EITHER HUMAN OR VAMPIRE! Call it a “House of V.” So appropriately it drops October 27, 2021, just in time for Halloween.

Via Marvel:

THE DARKHOLD: BLADE #1

DANIEL KIBBLESMITH (W) • Federico Sabbatini (A) • Cover by JUAN FERREYRA | STORMBREAKERS VENOMIZED VARIANT COVER BY NATACHA BUSTOS | VARIANT COVER BY MICO SUAYAN | CONNECTING VARIANT COVER BY JOSEMARIA CASANOVAS | DESIGN VARIANT COVER BY CIAN TORMEY

THE KING OF DEATH!

Are you fanged, or are you food? The world is divided into humans and vampires – and Blade, the one who walks between them both…and kills with equal impunity. After reading from the cursed Darkhold, Blade and a cadre of other heroes were meant to enter Chthon’s dimension and stop the ancient god from destroying the Multiverse. But reading the book has changed all their lives and histories…and for Blade, the consequences are far-reaching. Vampires rule the world, and he rules over them all. But there are some heroes left—and Blade is not as omniscient as he thinks. 32 PGS./ONE-SHOT/Rated T+ …$3.99

It is difficult to overstate how important Blade (1998) and Blade 2 AKA Blade II AKA Blade II: Bloodhunt (2002) were to my development as a fan and a creator.* I have sometimes called them “my Star Wars,” which still isn’t fully accurate, unless there’s a scene I’m forgetting where a power-limping Kris Kristofferson pumps a shotgun into R2-D2.

The Blade movies are perhaps more accurately my Godfather and Godfather Part II, in that I flip back and forth on which is the superior and more important film. Appropriately — and to director Guillermo Del Toro’s apparent regret on the commentary — both sequels contain the line, “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.” Although only Blade 1 (and zero Godfather films) contains the line, “I’m gonna be a naughty vampire god!” which likely makes it superior to all movies, Godfather and otherwise.

I’m also on the record saying — and I don’t think it’s a remotely controversial opinion — that Blade (1998), as both hit film in its own right and proof of concept, should be getting constant credit for kicking off the superhero movie revolution (leather-clad X-Men would drop a mere two years later). Without Blade (and Snipes, and Goyer, and Dorff, and Norrington, and co.) the trillion-dollar superhero genre juggernaut that now thoroughly dominates global pop culture might have never taken flight, making Blade (and again, this is just math) as or more culturally and commercially important than Star Wars.

Obviously, I’m teasing, no letters please. Although, AGAIN, UNLESS I’VE FORGOTTEN, Star Wars doesn’t feature Norman Reedus exploding into a cloud of brittle pink granules.

Blade is THE character I’ve been gunning for (swording for?) since my first conversation in 2017 with editors Wil Moss and Sarah Brunstad (Team Loki, but also crucially, Team Lockjaw). So it would mean a lot to me if you PRE-ORDERED DARKHOLD: BLADE from a LOCAL COMIC SHOP NEAR YOU.

Here’s how:

  • Go to http://Comicshoplocator.com (yes, it’s just called that) and look up the comic shop nearest you. Or, just use Google Maps, you’re a smart person, everyone is saying so.

  • Call that local shop and ask them to reserve you a copy of DARKHOLD: BLADE by Daniel Kibblesmith and Federico Sabbatini, due out in October 2021. Give them your name and number!

  • Pick it up when they call you (make sure to pay for it first).

  • Read it!

  • Tweet and Instagram yourself holding up the cover and tell other people what beloved local shop you bought your copy at and how they can support them (and me, and Frederico, and dozens others) by doing the same. This final step is crucial.

You can also pre-order digitally here, OR order a mail-order copy from a store that ships nationally, like Midtown Comics here, OR you can just pre-order the whole paperback collection of the entire Darkhold storyline, here or from a bookstore near you.

Currently Reading:

Or just Follow me on GoodReads so we can all earn that personal pan pizza.

Currently Watching:

  • Kevin Can F*ck Himself (AMC)

  • A.P. Bio (Peacock)

  • Physical (Apple TV+)

  • Ted Lasso S2 (Of course. Apple TV+)

JUST FINISHED Watching:

Loki on Disney+ which, to answer an FAQ, I did NOT work on in any capacity, however I did (very proudly) still get a surprise line in from our 2019 run:

Richard E. Grant directed by Kate Herron

Richard E. Grant directed by Kate Herron

Art by Andy MacDonald & David Curiel

Art by Andy MacDonald & David Curiel

Beyond honored. #HailToTheKing

Daniel Kibblesmith

July, 2021

Very tired.

*Blade Trinity is a film that I have seen twice. Once when it was released and once this year for a podcast. We can talk about it in person some time.