Spook-tober-blessed: Conspiracies, Vampires, and Other Thrills/Chills.

JUMP SCARE!

Hi, all.

It’s spooky season, the time when Jack Skellington has his mid-life crisis and — like so many celebrities whose stars have begun to fade — attempts a Christian re-brand.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

I know he did a bad job and all, but as an adult I realize Jack Skellington only had about two months to pull together his first Christmas, after exhausting the year’s worth of resources they spent on Halloween, so maybe cut the guy some slack.

Here’s what I’ve been up to lately:

NEW TRAILER: INSIDE JOB on NETFLIX

For most of quarantine, my full-time job was writing for Shion Takeuchi’s (Gravity Falls, Rick & Morty) new adult-animated show Inside Job. I loved doing it, I’m incredibly proud of my contributions, and I can’t wait for you to see it.

Via Variety:

The Truth is Out There, and Lizzy Caplan, Christian Slater and Clark Duke will find it in Netflix’s “Inside Job,” a new conspiracy theory office comedy animated series from “Gravity Falls” writer Shion Takeuchi and creator Alex Hirsch.

Part 1 of Inside Job premieres on Netflix on 10.22.21 — Set your Netflix Reminder now and follow @InsideJob on Twitter and Instagram.

DARKHOLD: BLADE on sale from MARVEL 10.27.21

Cover by Juan Ferreyra.

Cover by Juan Ferreyra.

Chilling Fact: Everyone loves the Marvel movies, but very few people ever step foot in their local comic book shop and check out the source material.

Here’s how you can pre-order DARKHOLD: BLADE from a LOCAL COMIC SHOP NEAR YOU and become one of those insufferable geniuses who knows what’s going to happen in the movies because you read the comic books:

  • Go to http://Comicshoplocator.com — or, if you’re more familiar with it (and why wouldn’t you be) — Google Maps.

  • Call that local shop and ask them to reserve you a copy of DARKHOLD: BLADE by Daniel Kibblesmith and Federico Sabbatini, due out in October 2021. Give them your name and telephone number.

  • When they call you, go buy it.

  • Read it immediately on a park bench with an autumnal novelty coffee.

  • Spread the word on social media that you are a comic book expert now and DARKHOLD: BLADE is your favorite comic book of all time (may require a selfie with cover as proof).

You can also pre-order RIGHT NOW digitally for the Kindle and Comixology apps, or buy a copy from a store that ships nationally, like Midtown Comics.

OR you can just pre-order the whole paperback collection of the entire Darkhold storyline, here or from a local bookstore near you.

Via Marvel:

THE DARKHOLD: BLADE #1

DANIEL KIBBLESMITH (W) • Federico Sabbatini (A) • Cover by JUAN FERREYRA | STORMBREAKERS VENOMIZED VARIANT COVER BY NATACHA BUSTOS | VARIANT COVER BY MICO SUAYAN | CONNECTING VARIANT COVER BY JOSEMARIA CASANOVAS | DESIGN VARIANT COVER BY CIAN TORMEY

THE KING OF DEATH!

Are you fanged, or are you food? The world is divided into humans and vampires – and Blade, the one who walks between them both…and kills with equal impunity. After reading from the cursed Darkhold, Blade and a cadre of other heroes were meant to enter Chthon’s dimension and stop the ancient god from destroying the Multiverse. But reading the book has changed all their lives and histories…and for Blade, the consequences are far-reaching. Vampires rule the world, and he rules over them all. But there are some heroes left—and Blade is not as omniscient as he thinks. 32 PGS./ONE-SHOT/Rated T+ …$3.99

Garfbert Garfberts on.

You’d think having a newborn and several full and part-time writing jobs would make it difficult to do a regularly updated, unpaid, unlicensed Instagram comic about Dilbert living with Garfield, but it turns out all this delirium needs to go somewhere.

All “Classic Garfbert” strips now live on the Garfbert Instagram account (also at Garfbert.com) with new updates every Monday for as long as schedule and fatigue permits.

If you haven’t subscribed yet, here’s a gallery of ALL OF THE NEW ONES SO FAR. “Enjoy.”

Currently Reading:

  • Foundation — it is pretty different from the show.

Currently Watching:

  • Foundation — it is pretty different from the book.

Daniel Kibblesmith

October, 2021

Jump Scare

Two Announcements: OF BABIES AND BLADE-YS

Announcement #1. We Had A Baby

It is much, much more accurate to say that Jennifer Wright had a baby. Our daughter was born on July 10, 2021 at 3:20 A.M. Which makes her — if I correctly recall my astrology lessons — a baby.

Vin_Diesel_saying_FAMILY.wav

Vin_Diesel_saying_FAMILY.wav

RE: Gifts. We truly have everything we need at this point, in terms of clothing, single-purpose chairs, and tumble-dry animal simulacra. But I invite you to make a donation to the NYC-based children’s charity Little Essentials (Charity Navigator score: 94/100).

From their website: Little Essentials offers at-risk families living in poverty urgently needed children’s supplies and parenting education to promote the health, wellbeing and safety of their children under five years of age. Donate money or items here.

But if you know us well enough to have our e-mail addresses and INSIST on getting us a GIFT-gift, please make it Seamless gift cards. I burnt myself pretty bad making short ribs and it’s just now starting to pus.

Announcement #2. I’m Having A Blade-y

Cover by Juan Ferreyra.

Cover by Juan Ferreyra.

I’m writing a Blade one-shot to tie in to Marvel Comics’ October Darkhold event — with the incredible cover above by Juan Ferreyra and interior pencils by Federico Sabbatini. It’s a spooky, alt-future story about Blade confronting an I Am Legend style vampire apocalypse — WHERE EVERY CHARACTER IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE IS NOW EITHER HUMAN OR VAMPIRE! Call it a “House of V.” So appropriately it drops October 27, 2021, just in time for Halloween.

Via Marvel:

THE DARKHOLD: BLADE #1

DANIEL KIBBLESMITH (W) • Federico Sabbatini (A) • Cover by JUAN FERREYRA | STORMBREAKERS VENOMIZED VARIANT COVER BY NATACHA BUSTOS | VARIANT COVER BY MICO SUAYAN | CONNECTING VARIANT COVER BY JOSEMARIA CASANOVAS | DESIGN VARIANT COVER BY CIAN TORMEY

THE KING OF DEATH!

Are you fanged, or are you food? The world is divided into humans and vampires – and Blade, the one who walks between them both…and kills with equal impunity. After reading from the cursed Darkhold, Blade and a cadre of other heroes were meant to enter Chthon’s dimension and stop the ancient god from destroying the Multiverse. But reading the book has changed all their lives and histories…and for Blade, the consequences are far-reaching. Vampires rule the world, and he rules over them all. But there are some heroes left—and Blade is not as omniscient as he thinks. 32 PGS./ONE-SHOT/Rated T+ …$3.99

It is difficult to overstate how important Blade (1998) and Blade 2 AKA Blade II AKA Blade II: Bloodhunt (2002) were to my development as a fan and a creator.* I have sometimes called them “my Star Wars,” which still isn’t fully accurate, unless there’s a scene I’m forgetting where a power-limping Kris Kristofferson pumps a shotgun into R2-D2.

The Blade movies are perhaps more accurately my Godfather and Godfather Part II, in that I flip back and forth on which is the superior and more important film. Appropriately — and to director Guillermo Del Toro’s apparent regret on the commentary — both sequels contain the line, “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.” Although only Blade 1 (and zero Godfather films) contains the line, “I’m gonna be a naughty vampire god!” which likely makes it superior to all movies, Godfather and otherwise.

I’m also on the record saying — and I don’t think it’s a remotely controversial opinion — that Blade (1998), as both hit film in its own right and proof of concept, should be getting constant credit for kicking off the superhero movie revolution (leather-clad X-Men would drop a mere two years later). Without Blade (and Snipes, and Goyer, and Dorff, and Norrington, and co.) the trillion-dollar superhero genre juggernaut that now thoroughly dominates global pop culture might have never taken flight, making Blade (and again, this is just math) as or more culturally and commercially important than Star Wars.

Obviously, I’m teasing, no letters please. Although, AGAIN, UNLESS I’VE FORGOTTEN, Star Wars doesn’t feature Norman Reedus exploding into a cloud of brittle pink granules.

Blade is THE character I’ve been gunning for (swording for?) since my first conversation in 2017 with editors Wil Moss and Sarah Brunstad (Team Loki, but also crucially, Team Lockjaw). So it would mean a lot to me if you PRE-ORDERED DARKHOLD: BLADE from a LOCAL COMIC SHOP NEAR YOU.

Here’s how:

  • Go to http://Comicshoplocator.com (yes, it’s just called that) and look up the comic shop nearest you. Or, just use Google Maps, you’re a smart person, everyone is saying so.

  • Call that local shop and ask them to reserve you a copy of DARKHOLD: BLADE by Daniel Kibblesmith and Federico Sabbatini, due out in October 2021. Give them your name and number!

  • Pick it up when they call you (make sure to pay for it first).

  • Read it!

  • Tweet and Instagram yourself holding up the cover and tell other people what beloved local shop you bought your copy at and how they can support them (and me, and Frederico, and dozens others) by doing the same. This final step is crucial.

You can also pre-order digitally here, OR order a mail-order copy from a store that ships nationally, like Midtown Comics here, OR you can just pre-order the whole paperback collection of the entire Darkhold storyline, here or from a bookstore near you.

Currently Reading:

Or just Follow me on GoodReads so we can all earn that personal pan pizza.

Currently Watching:

  • Kevin Can F*ck Himself (AMC)

  • A.P. Bio (Peacock)

  • Physical (Apple TV+)

  • Ted Lasso S2 (Of course. Apple TV+)

JUST FINISHED Watching:

Loki on Disney+ which, to answer an FAQ, I did NOT work on in any capacity, however I did (very proudly) still get a surprise line in from our 2019 run:

Richard E. Grant directed by Kate Herron

Richard E. Grant directed by Kate Herron

Art by Andy MacDonald & David Curiel

Art by Andy MacDonald & David Curiel

Beyond honored. #HailToTheKing

Daniel Kibblesmith

July, 2021

Very tired.

*Blade Trinity is a film that I have seen twice. Once when it was released and once this year for a podcast. We can talk about it in person some time.

Checking In … With Daniel Kibblesmith

Sometimes nothing in particular is going on, and that’s when it’s time for —

Not a podcast title yet, but also never will be.

Not a podcast title yet, but also never will be.

So what’s going on with your “old” “pal” “Daniel” —

Partially Vaccinated.

“I Voted!”

“I Voted!”

This is mostly just a ploy to get to see King Kong beat the hell out of Godzilla on “the big screen” — THAT’S RIGHT I PICKED A SIDE.

Currently Working On:

#1. A New Baby

My wife, Jennifer Wright, better known by her late '90s ECW nickname, "The Draw" is seven months pregnant. She keeps saying "WE'RE pregnant," but she's mostly joking and I'm fairly sure I feel like shit for other reasons (sleep, diet, partial vaccination, and returning to the depressing baseline of social media now that the big sideways boat is gone).

RIP The Big Sideways Boat — Probably bad for the world but very funny for us.

RIP The Big Sideways Boat — Probably bad for the world but very funny for us.

Yesterday I learned that pregnancy lasts for 40 weeks which is not exactly the same as Nine Months™ which makes Hugh Grant a LIAR, but not for that other thing he did, who even remembers what that was, it probably requires you to remember who Jay Leno is, which is surely not necessary, and besides, if Hugh Grant is going to get in trouble in any of MY memories it will be for crossing my boy Paddington 2.

A truly unexpected percentage of this movie takes place in a men’s prison.

A truly unexpected percentage of this movie takes place in a men’s prison.

Jennifer has chosen a hospital for the baby to be born in, one assumes by Googling "Hospitals," but not including, as I would, "with cafeterias that deliver" or "grainy cellphone videos of faceless men under flickering fluorescent light walking the white-tiled halls at night whilst blinking in and out of view."

And it's perfect (the hospital), it's nice, it's safe, Hospital Magazine gives it Five Surgeries, and best of all, it's terrifyingly far away so that I can give a taxi driver a THRILLING story to tell when he gets home.

But hey, Did You Know that when you're asking permission to be a customer at a particular baby hospital, there's pre-registration paperwork involved that is tantamount to filling out a D&D character sheet, except you're registering your new character as a legal entity with the U.S. Government?

Pictured: Where babies come from

Pictured: Where babies come from

Because I didn't know this, and it is fascinating. I guess it's in order to more quickly facilitate a birth certificate, and I can't wait to see the entire process unfold. It reveals a lot about me, I think, that one of the aspects of parenthood I'm most excited about is being exposed to new corners of bureaucracy. This excitement will definitely last.

Between that, and knowing you're not supposed to touch halogen lightbulbs with just your hands because of hand oils that affect its lifespan under high heat, I think we can all agree I'm ready to be approximately 50% responsible for a human life.

If you’re a friend of ours, or an enemy looking to lull us into a false sense of security, our Baby Registry is available at: http://babylist.com/kibblewright

I don’t know if that is the baby’s last actual name yet, I assume they’ll tell me at the faraway hospital.

#2. At least one TV Show.

I don’t know if I’m specifically allowed to to say which TV shows I’ve been working on, but here’s a sanctioned picture of one virtual writer’s room enjoying “International Hat Day.” (Real?)

So no hints, but if I were you, I’d sign up for something called “Netflix” (So called because it’s a Kinetescope you watch while eating your Flavor Stix™).

#3. Garfbert?

REMEMBER GARFBERT? Garfbert is gradually migrating over to Instagram, with “updates” more or less daily. I can’t really call them updates, because the bulk of the strips are from 2014, but there are more new ones waiting in my iPhone photo reel than I can count on one hand (mine). Here’s a thrilling preview:

Can you believe it?

Can you believe it?

#4. Clubhouse

Yes, THAT Clubhouse. Sam Weiner (of How To Win At Everything “fame”) and I have been doing a twice-weekly 15 minute Clubhouse show called Agree to Agree, reviving a Periscope-era project we used to do over our lunch hour when we both worked at BuzzFeed (dot com, ever heard of it?).

It lasts about 15 minutes and we regularly have zero to two listeners. Will YOU be number 3? Follow us and find out at joinclubhouse.com (I don’t know how, good luck) and buy our book, it’s got so many jokes and funny illustrations in it, and IMHO it never got “a fair shake,” because people saw the title and wanted to actually dominate their enemies instead of have a fun time with two sit-down comedy pals.

Currently Reading:

  • Mona Lisa Overdrive by William Gibson

    • Jen got me a cool bundle of the Sprawl Trilogy + Burning Chrome for Christmas and my goal was to read/reread them all before the baby arrived — and I largely have because because going out of doors remains discouraged. We are all “CyberPunks” now (really makes you think).

  • Baby books

    • They all say different stuff.

I guess you could also just follow me on GoodReads, I got back into it during quarantine, but I don’t actually review anything because I know the authors are reading them and I’d give five stars to everything because I’m not a monster.

Currently Watching:

  • Halt & Catch Fire

    • Actually just finished it, which means no more marriage in-jokes like “Let’s see how the Halties are doing, will they catch fire this week?” or “How are Halt and Catch Fire gonna get out of this one?”

  • Solar Opposites

    • Same deal, just finished, and in this new/second season, the characters themselves almost literally ask “How are the Solar Opposites gonna get out of this one?” on a regular basis.

  • Made For Love

    • This one’s not over yet! You can watch this one live … with AMERICA.

Hot Rec:

  • Happily available on demand for purchase and rental now. It has everyone you like in it.

'Good Job' Everyone Who Didn't Do A Terrible Job.

Hi, all. The previous administration is over.

Not pictured: Jennifer’s Rainbow Bagel on account of it being disgusting.

Not pictured: Jennifer’s Rainbow Bagel on account of it being disgusting.

Whatever happens next, whatever fractious nightmare, whatever entrenched evil, whatever global catastrophe defines the next era, it will not be this exact flavor of cruelty and stupidity and for that alone I am grateful.

This entry is a bit of an experiment — I’ve moved the newsletter over to my website’s blog section so that I only have to update one website and it still (fingers x’d) reaches your inbox. You have a lovely inbox, by the way. I saw a spider on my way in, but I didn’t kill it because guess what I DIDN’T see? That’s right — other bugs.

My plan for this blog / newsletter going forward:

  1. Shorter.

  2. More frequent.

  3. More interesting, honestly.

  4. Entirely free.

But thank you to everyone who had a paid subscription, now more than ever because—

First official Dad Joke.

First official Dad Joke.

We’re having a girl and Jennifer is due in July. If you’re able and feeling generous, our baby registry is here: http://babylist.com/kibblewright

— because, oh god, they need so many little chairs WHY DO THEY NEED SO MANY LITTLE CHAIRS?

Okay, good luck everyone. Let me know if you want me to take the spider outside on my way out and deposit it in the grass, I’ll need an index card and a Dixie cup.